hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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