i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
