i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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