Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
