nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
