I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You were trust falling into bushes
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
