Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
