I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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