I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
