1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
