Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
