I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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