so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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