What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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