It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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