I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
