I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
