It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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