I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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