How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
