I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
