What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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