And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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