You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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