Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize