tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
