i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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