I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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