2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
