Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
