Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
