im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
