if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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