i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
