I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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