i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
