She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
