she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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