yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
