C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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