I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
