I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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