watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
