OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
