Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
