This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
