i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
