nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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