I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
