guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
