I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
