Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
whose parrot is this?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
