Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
