Do you still have your period?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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