Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
