If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
