The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
