Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize