There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
