She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
