Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
