Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
