Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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