Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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