Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
