im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
