i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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