She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
