i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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