Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
