I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
