i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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